Day of the Dentist

A week or two back I thought I had a damages case against Nobbies Nuts.
I found two bits of stone in my mouth whilst eating his dry roasted variety.
The two bits of stone turned out to be the fillings from my top and bottom rear Molars on the right hand side (from my perspective).

A phone call confirmed that my dentist only did patients who would pay (through the mouth).
So, I had to book an appointment with the Greek dentist I'd thanked the Gods I was earning enough money, to get away from.
Last time I saw him he had checked a filling with a metal toothpick thing. The filling was fine, but that was no use to him, so he clamped my head and exerted great pressure until the filling kind of popped.
"Yes, I thought so" he declared "this one also needs to be replaced".
"You bashtorf" I drooled at him. I'm not so stupid I haven't forgotten my Physics lesson from school. Umm pressure and surface area stuff. An Elephant walking across your lino floor wearing stihettos will do less damage than um a family of Pakistanis, who have a greater land mass.

Anyway.

Had to see Painless Potter today. There's one for the Bob Hope experts pub quizzers.
I'd seen him the week before, explaining that I had lost my two back fillings. After half an hour of mistaking me for Dustine Hoffman he declared his findings. Two fillings were missing from the back.
"I, awredy old u at, en I ame in"
I should point out this isn't Doric, it's Dentic.

So, his diagnosis was, both teeth were wisdom and needed to be pulled. Lucky for me, he wasn't up to the job. Although I wonder now how lucky that is, just how major is this? I'd give my hind teeth to find out.

So, turn up at his abbattoir for some minor work he's identified at 16:00. The Novocaine has only just worn off and I've stopped bleeding. No food tonight.
I picked up a copy of Readers Digest in the waiting room, and read the following, which I don't know if it was nerves or not but made me guffaw out loud, frightening the other victims in waiting.

Yers, I half inched their Readers Digest.

I got talking to a lovely elderly couple at the supermarket, but subsequently missed my bus.
As I walked home, a car pulled up and the passenger reached behind her and the rear door opened.
Seeing it was the old couple I got in. They looked at each other, then asked where I was going.
When we reached my house, I thanked them and enquired if they had much further to go.
"Not really" they replied "We were outside our door when you got in".

I'm using that in the book somewhere.