Hair today, no spondulix tomorrow

Washing my hair by wafting the air in the empty shampoo bottle over it and scrubbing vigorously, has been proving to be ineffective. So I started using the shower gel instead. It seems to be making my hair clean but doesn't wash out properly, and I ended up with honey and something flavoured dandruff.
Point one, I don't have dandruff it was just dry soap which won't wash out.
Point two, I'm not in the habit of eating my dandruff, which I don't have in the first place.

Anyway.

What with hair, dishes backing up, and other odds and sods a visit to Sainsburies was required for domestic products, not the usual £2 bit of food and £4 bottle of wine.
I spent £47 of my hard scrounged Job spunkers allowance.

Standing in the hair care section in front of a bewildering array of choices, I flagged down a passing "Customer care assistant".
"I'm after some shampoo".
She pointed at the display in front of me, like I was an imbecile.
"But these are all for damaged hair".
"Ok then, what kind of hair do you have"? She enquired.
"Strawberry blonde" I replied.
"Yes, but what kind"?
I looked at her like an imbecile.
"Greasy"?
"No" as if.
"Dry then" ?
"No" slightly higher pitched.
"Fly away"?
"No"
"frizzy"?
"Sun damaged"?
"Sun damaged! have you seen the weather lately"?
"I'm sorry, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what kind of hair you have".
"There's nothing wrong with my hair, I haven't got dry, fizzy, dandruff, greasy or anything else. I just want to wash it a bit, without paying over £3 for treatments I don't need".
She looked at me and my locks doubtfully for a second, and inspiartion came to me.
"I have unemployed hair".
"Ah!, you need our basics range"
And with that she gave me a huge bottle for 93p gloop.

I decided to get the deodorant unsupervised.
"While your here, I'm after some deodorant".
"Roll on ball"?
"No, spray on armpits".

Having got home I took a look at a bottle of shampoo which someone has stealthily left in my bathroom, to see what her problem is.
"Dry / Damaged / A bit unhappy".
I took a second look in case it was her medication, nope it's definitely shampoo. WTF! A bit unhappy???
Marketing types.